Into My Own

Once upon a time, I pursued a Master’s degree. I studied abroad. Online that is. I couldn’t afford to travel. It took a month for me to come to terms the program wasn’t for me. I wanted so badly to complete the program but eventually I withdrew.

During my first courses I had headaches, I lost hair, I made myself physically sick. I thought I had to finish. I could feel the pressure weighing down on me to succeed. In my mind, if I quit I was a failure


When I withdrew I still suffered because I thought I was a failure. What was I gonna do? How could I explain to my family? I just decided not to tell them for my own good reasons. Anyway I wouldn’t know what to tell them if I had chosen to share my decision. I had, I have no idea what I wanted/want to do and it took me a year of reflection to realize I had to be honest with myself. I had to be okay with what I’d done. That’s fine but where do I go from there? 
I’m still figuring things out. I really hope anyone reading this is not beating themselves up over their choice(s). I did. I beat myself up for a long time. If you asked me now I’d tell you I think I made the right decision. 

If you’re not into something 100% it’ll take a toll on you. It’ll show one way or another. If you try hiding it just remember those around you may sense you aren’t genuine. 

As far as explaining things to people, I am learning there’s no need to justify YOUR choices to others. It’s your life and how you live it, the choices you make are up to YOU

Thanks lovely readers for reading this. I appreciate it. Have you been in this situation before? Care to share? If so sound off in the comments.

Rabia

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2 thoughts on “Into My Own

  1. Well said, and something we should all remember. I, too, dropped out of my master’s program, because it was just too much with a full-time job, a sick grandmother and a relationship on the rocks. And when it came down to it, it didn’t call to my heart. So I know I made the right decision in dropping it, and it sounds like you did, as well. We have to care for ourselves as deeply as we care for others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Vanessa. Sometimes we forget to care for ourselves. It’s important to do so, we’re all we have. Juggling so much in your case seemed like a lot and to have endured it must’ve been incredibly difficult. I agree, it was the right choice. I may think differently in the future but who knows?

      Liked by 1 person

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